My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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