Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
