How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
