allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize