were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
