lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
