This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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