yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
