Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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