you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
