forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just found a bag of teeth...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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