I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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