can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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