the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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