Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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