Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
