I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
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Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
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Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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