he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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