i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
