I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
