I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
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He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
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It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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