you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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