Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
