I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
