dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
