Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
