there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
