he wants to bone in the snuggie
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
