I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
