Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Found your dick twin last night
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
