can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
