I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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