Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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