You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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