I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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