He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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