I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
