do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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