Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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