we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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