were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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