Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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