I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.