So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
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He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
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You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.