do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Hungover. No words. Just memes.