So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.