My hair reeks of homosexuality.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
