Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
