Me. At least after what I've been through.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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