please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
