there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just gift wrapped bread.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
