I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
