I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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