There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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