it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
