My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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