I just threw up on my dentist
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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