Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
