Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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