that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
where am i from again
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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