hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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