We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
