she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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