you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
