you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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