woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
